The saddest costumes of all time.

I have dreadlocks. They are clean, I didn't have to put coke in my hair or beeswax or disgusting whatever the hell people keep telling me I must have done to have long hair. Face facts, if you have certain genes, you can't grow your hair long and leave it alone and not have this happen.

Some quick answers.

Please dont touch my hair. I don't think you want random people's grubby hands in your hair either. If you ask nicely and aren't patronizing me than maybe. Kids are ok, they are just curious.

It smells like shampoo. That's because I wash my hair. I'm not some kind of dirty animal.

Nope, not a political statement, no less than any other person who has naturally occurring long hair.

Yes I am aware that the guy in counting crows also has a beard and dreads. He is also white. I'm not. I don't fucking look like that guy so please stop saying so. I don't go up to every clean shaven 50+ Asian man I see and go "Damn, so what was it like playing Sulu on the enterprise?"

Also that guy from counting crows can't sing and his music sucks. Deal with it.

Yelling "YEAEEAAAAH!" at me and then yelling "Little John" is not going to make me like you. I am also going to move away from you very quickly. This is one of the reasons why I can't be in Las Vegas.

Does this keep people from loving them and wanting them too? Hell no. Should certain people not have dreadlocks? Hell yes. If you look like this:

Time to shave your head.

The worst part is "dread wig" halloween costumes. It doesn't make you look like Bob Marley, it makes you look like Dan Aykroyd in "Trading Places"
LIONEL JOSEPH!

I also find pictures of them on the web to be incredibly sad looking. Here are some to entertain you and take you through the many different looks of the dreadlock wig.

The joint comes with this one. He looks totally like a black guy with dreads, always smoking on their paper towel roll sized joints. I hope it comes with a copy of Bob Marley's "Legend" as well so it doesn't disappoint. Also what's with the pink shirt? It looks like a nurse is smoking a doobie.

Ghost pirate! Its a proven fact that if you are black and a pirate you have dreadlocks. Because they scare white people. His facial expression definitely says "quest for booty."


"So my stepson and me were paint jamming to Phish tapes..."



Damn you Rob Zombie for introducing the heavy metal country western industrial goth s+m undead corpse dreadlock look. I can't believe men who look like this have had sex with anyone without large cash payments being involved.


Why on earth does anyone want to look like "Michael Bolton's creepy European counterpart after the Mexican vacation in Cancun where he foolishly got those hair extensions they saw the spring break girls getting, but then realized that his hairline is receding but said what the hell anyways" guy?

Congratulations you look like the Predator had sex with Niles Crane.


And my two personal favorites:

WHOOOOOOAAAAH BRAAAAAH! "ARE YOU LIKE... HOLDEN CAULFIELD MANG?"

"DID HOLDEN SHOW UP AT THE PARTY? NAH MEAN?"

A guy said this to me once and I had to look it up on the internet when I got home.

Is this a picture of a mannequin or a real guy? I am stumped. Seriously, I want to know. This has become my new favorite picture on the internet.